The Simple Humble Monster

Created in 1786 by the Monster brothers this is the original sweet coffee, but it iz unfortunately defined by its status as the generic grandfather of the original sweet coffee. It is unremarkable in its taste and presentation, bland, and metaphorically tastes like water.

Of course, sometimes water is exactly what you need. Whether ur sick and cant taste anything anyways, or too broke to afford a better sweet coffee (cuz ur stupid latvian store doesn’t discount the cool flavours), you can count on The Simple Humble Monster to quench your gaming thirst and fill your disgusting filthy monkey body with sweet coffee.

The Stupid Pink Baby Tranny Monster

Hailed as the Greatest sweet coffee flavor by the most annoying kind of tranny. The kind that would put a spinning blahaj that makes a dog clicker sound on her website, but is afraid of actually fucking. Repulsed by the real therian freak fagdyke, she considers herself to be Above such “depravities”. The synthesis of her moral degeneracy and the desire to be better than the other girls makes it no wonder why she chooses this flavor. It is both an inoffensive stereotype that a tranny on 3 months of estrogen would enjoy, but is also a hollow mimicry of taste. This drink tastes like corporate art. It tastes like a reddit post.

This sweet coffee is nothing.

The Big Scary Monster

This one is a real spooker. Imagine Dragons. Those are quite scary. They, also, are big. Ahhh. As Richard Nixon once said,

It’s deep inside of me, I never let you see. I keep it caged, but I can’t control it. Hide it under the bed. (In the body in my head). Don’t let this thing get to you. Cause, as mentioned before, it is big and scary.

As you read this text, you giggle. The childish nature of the text and the parody of a true quote by Richard Nixon synthesize into… something. What are you reading? What the hell are you doing? What is going on? You hear your name being yelled from downstairs.

“Coming!” you yell with enthusiasm.

“Don’t pick up the phone now?” In front of you stands a thin figure slightly taller than yours. The light blue hair flows down the collarbone and shoulders, like water in a waterfall. This is a she. “Been trying to get hold of you for 3 hours now!” She sighs. “We don’t have time for this. Just follow me”

Before even introducing herself, this stranger is now expecting you to to follow her somewhere with no explanation. You point her finger to her. “Who the fuck are-?” But something is off. You finger is… melting. The fingernail is already missing. This is impossible, what is going on? Should you call someone.

“Are you okay?” Asks the nameless waterfall-hair lady. Her concern seems insincere. Like she’s asking not to actually know if you are okay, but to know if you will follow her. In shock, you are able to utter a response.

“M-my…” You raise your voice “My finger! My finger is melting!”

Her face remains expressionless. She looks at you in the eyes. “Wake up.” She repeats this. “Wake up. Wake up.” She gets louder. “Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!”

Green monsters

It tastes green and apple and like the rock I ate an hour ago. Brave. Im not convinced this Sweet Coffee was made on earth. Its green. Like alien.

I like it :3

its good I think

The Queen Of Sweet Coffee

Whenevefr there are multiple of similar thing people will compare them. It is human nature. It alwazs was this way. But im not a historian, I Am a leading Sweet Coffee expert, recognized internationally by the Sweet Coffee fandom.

This is the Queen of Sweet Coffee. It rules over all the little Sweet Coffeelings from its monster throne. The kingdom is at war. The depraved cult hordes attack and pillage the villages. They are many, too many. It Is Hopeless. The Queen sits in her castle, alone, afraid. Its been days since she last heard from her wife on the front and she is starting to wonder if she will ever feel her embrace again. The door to her chamber interrupts her thoughts with 3 rhythmic knocks. Her most loyal guard enters. “Your majesty, I have news about your wife Queen 1” says the guard, ashamed expression on his face. “She has sent you a message” the guard lets out as he passes a letter with the cults sygil on it.

Time stops.

Is this real?

Is any of this real?

The Queen 2 freezes in shock, memories overcoming her.

The time they first met, she was so beautiful, radiance contrasting the idle chatter of the court eunuchs. She couldn’t muster up the courage to talk to her at first, but then-

“Hi loser princess” the future Queen 1 said, “Still no queen to betroth huh?”. The court eunuchs giggled.

“I-i still haven-” stuttered out Queen 1

“Awww she can barely talk…. The kingdom will be doomed if this is how you are around women” Queen 2 continued her relentless assault, and then she noticed Queen 1 getting hard.

[THIS ENTRY HAS BEEN TAKEN DOWN BY THE AUTHOR OF “The Big Scary Monster” FOR COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT]